Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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