her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize