Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
