brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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