I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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