I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
