Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
