Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
