Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
