You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
