apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
