Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
