you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
