So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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