I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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