real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
