Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
