this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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