just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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