Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
