Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Two words: nipple clamps
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