i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
