Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
