God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
