Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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