dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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