ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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