The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
