well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
