I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize