when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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