I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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