how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize