my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
