after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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