I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
