I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
