So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
