it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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