I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
