Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had to cum in my sink.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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