i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
