I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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