"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
