Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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