I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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