Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
