I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
