As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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