He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
