i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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