i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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