Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
