Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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