Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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