I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
