ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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