and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
