Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
