I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
