I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
