ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
