My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
