does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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