i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize